Did You Learn Love Through Performance?
About this video
Discover the signs you learned love through performance and how people-pleasing, achievements, and the fear of being ordinary shaped your identity. This video explores childhood wiring, conditional regard, and the path to unlearning performance-based love. Chapters: 00:00 Love as Hunger for Approval 00:16 The Trap 00:32 Childhood Wiring 00:48 The Cost of Conditionality 01:02 Trauma Response 01:18 Dweck's Fixed Mindset 01:33 Productivity as Proof 01:46 The Dopamine Trap 02:02 Brain on Rejection 02:17 The Fear of Being Ordinary 02:33 Anxious Attachment 02:48 Healing Begins 03:04 Unconditional presence 03:16 Born worthy 03:32 The Conditional Smile 03:48 The Approval Chase 04:04 The Lonely Stage 04:20 The Exhaustion 04:36 The Realization 04:52 The New Way 05:08 The Hidden Cost 05:24 The Mirror of Others 05:40 The Exhaustion of Yes Sources & further reading: ā¢ Assor, A., Roth, G., & Deci, E. L. (2004). The emotional costs of parents' conditional regard: A self-determination theory analysis. ā Journal of Personality, 72(1), 47-88. ā¢ Roth, G., Assor, A., Niemiec, C. P., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2015). The emotional and academic consequences of parental conditional regard. ā Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 44(7), 1383-1395. ā¢ Webb, J. (2012). Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. ā Book on emotional neglect and its effects. ā¢ Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. ā Book on fixed vs. growth mindset. ā¢ Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. ā Foundational work on attachment theory. ā¢ American Psychological Association. (2020). Stress in America: A National Mental Health Crisis. ā Survey data on stress and worth tied to productivity.
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